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Hilariously Relatable Quotes About Birthdays

For many of us, our birthday is one the most fulfilling and joyous days of the year. There are few things that warm the heart more than gathering with friends and family to celebrate, reminisce, and eat plenty of cake.

Of course, others of us would rather not acknowledge our birthdays, as the thought of getting older can be sobering. But it’s important to remember that aging is a gift, and we should try to approach each of our birthdays with an optimistic and humorous attitude.

Given the often lighthearted nature of birthdays, it should come as no surprise that many of the world’s funniest comedians and wittiest authors have chimed in with their own takes about this special occasion. So whether you’ll be celebrating a birthday soon or you’re the type of person who dreads the awkwardness of having “Happy Birthday” sung at you, here are 12 hilarious quotes about birthdays.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Bob Hope

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I  see birthdays as a reward for having shown up 365 days in a row. It’s like getting a badge for attendance.
Gina Barreca

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When I turned 2 I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m 6 I’ll be 90.
Steven Wright

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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers

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Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.
Jim Gaffigan

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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
Larry Lorenzoni

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Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets [them].
Ogden Nash

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I know I’m getting old. My last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield

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For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
John Glenn

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The first birthday party you have and the last birthday you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there. You’re the least excited person at the party. You don’t even really realize that there is a party.
Jerry Seinfeld

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Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
Bobby Kelton

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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost

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Featured image credit: JFunk/ Shutterstock

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About the Author
Bennett Kleinman
Bennett is a staff writer at Optimism as well as a freelance comedy writer. He's based in New York City.
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