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20 'Calvin and Hobbes' Quotes To Make You Smile

Ask anyone — expert or otherwise — to name the most popular newspaper comics of all time, and Calvin and Hobbes is sure to be on the list. Created by cartoonist Bill Watterson, who credited Peanuts as an inspiration, Calvin and Hobbes was first published in November 1985. At the height of its popularity, it was syndicated in more than 2,400 newspapers worldwide — quite an achievement for a story about a 6-year-old boy and his stuffed tiger.

The comic strip appealed to a large audience. Kids could appreciate the colorful characters, slapstick action, and flights of fancy, while adults could ponder the comic’s exploration of issues such as public education, environmentalism, family life, and art. Watterson’s approach was at times highly philosophical — he did, after all, name his two central characters after the 16th-century theologian John Calvin and the 17th-century philosopher Thomas Hobbes.

Through Hobbes — Calvin’s Bengal tiger — the very nature of reality is questioned. For Calvin, Hobbes is indeed a real tiger, while everyone else in the comic sees him as a stuffed toy. The truth is left for the reader to decide. This contemplation of truth and reality was important to Watterson and integral to the comic. As Watterson once told students at Kenyon College, “To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed.”

The inquiring and philosophical nature of Calvin in Hobbes was, of course, underlined by one key component: humor. Here are some of the funniest quotes from the comic strip, as spoken by Calvin, Hobbes, Calvin’s long-suffering parents, and other beloved characters.

I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
Calvin

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You know, there are times when it’s a source of personal pride to not be human.
Hobbes

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The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse.
Calvin’s father

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They say winning isn’t everything, and I’ve decided to take their word for it.
Calvin

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Our class voted Calvin the “most likely to be seen on the news some day.”
Susie

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Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
Calvin

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When you think how well basic appliances work, it's hard to believe anyone ever gets on an airplane.
Calvin

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Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?
Calvin

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Never argue with a 6-year-old who shaves.
Calvin

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I wonder what people knew before there were magazine quizzes.
Hobbes

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You jerk! This is for sending me a valentine card with a drawing of me as a worm-eaten corpse!
Susie

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Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
Calvin

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Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.
Hobbes

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I don’t care. We’re not having an anatomically correct snowman in the front yard.
Calvin’s mother

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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Calvin

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I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn’t entertain you every minute?
Miss Wormwood

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The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.
Susie

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Don't get discouraged, we got the same result after working on you for six years.
Calvin’s father

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Moms and reasons are like oil and water.
Calvin

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Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
Calvin

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Featured image credit: Ben Molyneux/ Alamy Stock Photo

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About the Author
Tony Dunnell
Tony is an English writer of non-fiction and fiction living on the edge of the Amazon jungle.
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