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19 Funny Tweets to Start Your Day

Twitter has become one of the most popular websites and dominant forms of social media in the world since its launch in 2006, serving as a one-stop shop to check in on friends, family, celebrities, and politicians alike. The microblogging site has also provided its roughly 240 million monthly users with a perfect platform for their amusing thoughts and hilarious observations.

Twitter is rife with jokes that deal directly with universal situations and can quickly go viral, like comedian Andy Milonakis’ wildly popular tweet in May 2020 during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic: "Congratulations to the Astronauts that left Earth today. Good choice."

A funny tweet can go from unread to “trending” within a matter of minutes — whether its author is cracking a joke during a major event like the Super Bowl or the Oscars, or sharing a hilarious thought dealing with their everyday lives. Here are 19 funny tweets to get your day rolling.

accidentally said “you too” when the waiter told me to enjoy my meal so he sat down with me and we had a very pleasant evening
— @mrjohndarby

The last layer of skin on the roof of my mouth finally grew back from that Hot Pocket I ate in 2009.

reverse psychology? that'll never work

we did it. we made it through the 300 days of january. congratulations everyone

What if the brown ones are just clear M&M's

Airlines trust I can operate an emergency door and usher hundreds of passengers to safety but think I need step by step instructions on buckling a seatbelt.

If anyone needs some loose IKEA parts, let me know. Also, if you're ever at my apartment, I'd avoid sitting on or touching any of my furniture.

People are like, "I thought about what you said..." and my first thought is always, "Oh no."

changed clouds to coulds and now the sky is full of possibilities

Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm hungry or bored.

When I get dressed in the morning I ask myself one question…do I mind spilling food on this?

Heavy is the head of the parent who tries to watch a movie

I only say stupid things when I talk.

My dream job is a 7-11 hot dog just rolling there endlessly in a zen state of warmth

I like that they snuck the word "strum" right in the middle of "instrument"

Don’t go in the woods alone. Always bring a slower friend.

When I’m eating shared nachos I’m always thinking 3 nacho moves ahead of my opponent.

When parallel parking, I turn down the radio so I can hear the sound of my car crunching the other car's bumper.

Just once I wish the McDonald’s drive-thru would say “I love you too.”

Photo credit: Leslie Low/ Unsplash

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About the Author
Sean Neumann
Sean Neumann is a writer and reporter based in Chicago, Illinois.
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