Article image

Funny Jokes From Famous Comedians

Comedy has been around in one form or another for a long time. The ancient Greeks did it, and so did the Romans. Shakespeare wrote his Elizabethan comedies and was particularly fond of innuendos, puns, and put-downs — for example, “I do desire we may be better strangers,” or, “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.”

The oldest known joke, perhaps unsurprisingly, involves flatulence. It dates back to the Sumerians of 1900 BCE, and goes as follows: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.” If you’re not rolling around on the floor laughing at that one, you’re probably not alone. It would seem that even fart jokes — thankfully — have evolved over the centuries.

Today’s comedians continue to be as rebellious as ever. They poke fun at social norms and political elites, and they break taboos across boundaries of race, gender, and sexuality — at times eliciting equal amounts of laughter and outrage. Here are some of the funniest jokes from modern comedians, from old-school stand-ups such as Rodney Dangerfield to modern entertainers such as Chris Rock and Ricky Gervais.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin

Share Quote

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
Zach Galifianakis

Share Quote

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
Joan Rivers

Share Quote

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, “What is this Pilates mat doing out?”
Amy Schumer

Share Quote

I like to play chess with old men in the park, although it’s hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips

Share Quote

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

Share Quote

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right.
Richard Pryor

Share Quote

The thing that attracted me to my husband was his pride. I'll never forget the first time I saw him, standing up on a hill, his hair blowing in the breeze — and he too proud to run and get it.
Jean Carroll

Share Quote

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full-time job and children.
Bill Hicks

Share Quote

If I ever do a nude scene, I want to be in shape just enough so nobody calls me "courageous" for doing it.
Ali Wong

Share Quote

I went to a place to eat. It said “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered french toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright

Share Quote

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in mail one day and be like, "I'm Secretary of State next month!"
Wanda Sykes

Share Quote

I like an escalator, man. Because an escalator cannot break. It just becomes stairs.
Mitch Hedberg

Share Quote

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
Chris Rock

Share Quote

I was one of those kids that finished school early … by dropping out.
Tig Notaro

Share Quote

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample, there was an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

Share Quote

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.
Demetri Martin

Share Quote

My hell is going to be the StairMaster wing of Dante's inferno, where they’re gonna tape my feet to the pedals and the only music I get is Michael Bolton karaoke-style.
Janeane Garofalo

Share Quote

I’ve never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don’t sit on a wall, if you’re an egg.
Ricky Gervais

Share Quote

Photo credit: Rick Kern/ WireImage via Getty Images

Author image
About the Author
Tony Dunnell
Tony is an English writer of non-fiction and fiction living on the edge of the Amazon jungle.
Play more header background
Play more icon
Daily Question
Who said, "Jump off the cliff and learn how to make wings on the way down"?

More Inspiration

happiness theme icon

All the ill that is in us comes from fear, and all the good from love.

separator icon
Eleanor Farjeon
motivation theme icon

Maybe happiness isn’t what you believe, but who you believe.

separator icon
Phoebe Waller-Bridge
hope theme icon

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.

separator icon
Lucille Ball
love theme icon

The quality of your life depends quite a bit on the quality of attention you project out onto the world.

separator icon
David Brooks
wisdom theme icon

Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

separator icon
Hal Borland
happiness theme icon

Nothing is inherently and invincibly young except spirit.

separator icon
George Santayana
motivation theme icon

From our first babblings to our last word, we make but one statement, and that is our life.

separator icon
Richard Paul Evans
hope theme icon

If it is true for you, it is true for someone else, and you are no longer alone.

separator icon
Colson Whitehead
love theme icon

The time to make up your mind about people, is never.

separator icon
Philip Barry
wisdom theme icon

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, but it empties it of its strength.

separator icon
George Seaton Bowes
happiness theme icon

Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible.

separator icon
George Saunders