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16 Wise and Witty Observations From Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld caught the comedy bug while attending Queens College in New York City in the 1970s and performing at open mic nights held by local improv clubs. His brand of observational comedy landed him appearances on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson and Late Night With David Letterman, which led to his first live comedy special on HBO in 1987.

But it was his groundbreaking work on Seinfeld, the sitcom he co-created and co-wrote with comedian Larry David, that solidified the comedian’s place in pop culture. The “show about nothing” ran for nine seasons and introduced the world to Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and George, a group of 30-something friends living in New York City. The writing was crisp, the one-liners were relatable, and the laughs came from spinning everyday events into comedy gold. Seinfeld wrapped in 1998, but it continues to live on in syndication, entertaining a new generation of fans.

After Seinfeld, the comedian returned to his stand-up roots, touring and creating new comedy specials. He also created the web-turned-Netflix series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, which features the hilarious conversations that ensue when Seinfeld takes various comedians out for coffee. Whatever he does next, Jerry Seinfeld will undoubtedly continue to share his unique, funny perspective on the world. Here are some quotes that remind us of this comedic genius’s brilliance.

There has never been a challenging time in human history where an occasional laugh didn’t help get us through.

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60, and that’s the law.

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I like dating because I like tension … What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

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I never get enough sleep. I stay up late because I’m “night guy.” “Night guy” wants to stay up late. “What about getting up after five hours of sleep?” Oh, that’s morning guy’s problem.

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Pay attention; don’t let life go by you.

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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

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Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

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You can’t beat Adult Power. Unlimited television. Cookies any time you want. Plus you can go home tonight and screw around with that thermostat all you like.

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Discovering and describing the world is the only reason I can see for trying so hard to continue living. Because those perceptions are the entryway for loving the world and the life in it.

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Doing nothing is not as easy as it looks. You can get pretty busy doing nothing. Because when you’re doing nothing, you’re actually free to do anything. Which can easily lead to doing something.

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When you interrupt, you’ve stopped listening. People need to be heard.

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Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success.

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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

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The real problem of stand-up, of course, is that you must constantly justify why you are the only one talking while a room full of people sit quietly.

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If aliens are watching … they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

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My theory is 98% of all human endeavor is killing time.

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Featured image credit: Aaron Rapoport/ Corbis Historical via Getty Images

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About the Author
Kristina Wright
Kristina is a coffee-fueled writer living happily ever after with her family in the suburbs of Richmond, Virginia.
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