Article image

13 Quotes About the Families We Choose

Our family can be one of our strongest support networks: At their best, they are the people we grow alongside, come home to, and celebrate with. Traditionally, we think of “family” as referring to blood or legal relatives, but our closest relationships aren’t always dictated by lineage. A found family is a group of people often unrelated by blood, but who offer each other the kind of unconditional love and safety we expect from a family.

Found (or chosen) families are ever-present in the stories we absorb in popular culture: In Roald Dahl’s 1988 book Matilda, the titular character escapes her abusive family to live with her kind teacher. In FX’s 2018 television show Pose, LGBTQ+ people of color come together to form Houses that not only compete for ballroom titles, but also function as families, sharing meals and supporting each other in tough moments.

Though the origin of the term “found family” isn’t well-documented, it’s generally agreed that it arose within the LGBTQ+ community. It reaches as far back as the 1860s and the inception of the Harlem Drag Balls, where queer and transgender people of color gathered together in secret.

According to a 2018 report from the Human Rights Campaign, nearly half of all LGBTQ+ youth in the U.S. face rejection from their families of origin, and found families can rise to fill that gap. “We’ve all done this — created our mix-and-match families, our homemade safety nets,” wrote LGBTQ+ author David Levithan in his book Two Boys Kissing.

Beyond the LGBTQ+ community, found families can be important lifelines for everyone, including abuse survivors, immigrants, and refugees — those for whom “family” may be more nuanced and flexible than the conventional concept.

Here, we’ve gathered quotes that emphasize the support and comfort of found families, reminding us that our closest relationships are ours to choose.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other.
Richard Bach

Share Quote

When push comes to shove, you always know who to turn to. That being a family isn’t a social construct but an instinct.
Jodi Picoult

Share Quote

Family isn’t something that’s supposed to be static, or set … It’s always evolving, turning into something else.
Sarah Dessen

Share Quote

I live in a constellation of intimates, and the shape of us is a family.
S. Bear Bergman

Share Quote

A home isn’t always the house we live in. It’s also the people we choose to surround ourselves with.
T.J. Klune

Share Quote

Many of us learn as children that friendship should never be seen as just as important as family ties. However, friendship is the place in which a great majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love and caring community.
bell hooks

Share Quote

There were times when I needed to find an outlet for me to understand my people and my own journey, and I found that through my chosen family.
Michaela Jaé Rodriguez

Share Quote

[It] feels like everything that has gone missing in my life, joy and love and laughter and companionship, all flooding back into me at once. This is home. This is what I've been searching for.
Marie Lu

Share Quote

Family is anyone who loves you unconditionally.
Anonymous

Share Quote

When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family.
Jim Butcher

Share Quote

The sense of family comes from the commitment we make to each other to work through the hard times so we can enjoy the good ones. It comes from the love that binds us; that’s what makes a family.
Zach Wahls

Share Quote

Blood does not family make. Those are relatives. Family are those with whom you share your good, bad, and ugly, and still love one another in the end. Those are the ones you select.
Hector Xtravaganza

Share Quote

These are the people I consider family. They are the people who have been in my corner cheering me on. They support me and are genuinely happy when good things happen in my career. They are also the people who have been with me when things aren't going well. They're all so loving and I know that I [can] count on them.
Ruben Marquez

Share Quote

Featured image credit: picsbyjameslee/ Unsplash

Author image
About the Author
Paola Bennet
Paola Bennet is a writer based in Brooklyn, NY. She writes a fortnightly newsletter that treasures the mundane, called Small Histories. Find her on Instagram @paolafbennet.
Play more header background
Play more icon
Daily Question
Who said, "We tell ourselves stories in order to live"?

More Inspiration

happiness theme icon

Words empowered by justice can never be silenced.

separator icon
Isabel Ibañez
motivation theme icon

'Tis never too late to be wise.

separator icon
Daniel Defoe
hope theme icon

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living.

separator icon
Gail Sheehy
love theme icon

Time is how you spend your love.

separator icon
Nick Laird
wisdom theme icon

Nothing succeeds like success. Get a little success, and then just get a little more.

separator icon
Maya Angelou
happiness theme icon

It is the artist's business to create sunshine when the sun fails.

separator icon
Romain Rolland
motivation theme icon

Do not fear mistakes, there are none.

separator icon
Miles Davis
hope theme icon

You must not try to make love definite. It is the divine accident of life.

separator icon
Sherwood Anderson
love theme icon

I change myself, I change the world.

separator icon
Gloria Anzaldúa
wisdom theme icon

Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.

separator icon
Albert Camus
happiness theme icon

Nothing is inherently and invincibly young except spirit.

separator icon
George Santayana