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11 Funny Quotes About Parenting

Parenting is no joke. There are sleepless nights, dirty diapers, piles of never-ending laundry, and what feels like constant crying — and that’s just the first few weeks.

Raising small people is a long game that is without a doubt one of the most difficult things a person can do. It’s also, of course, one of the most rewarding. To make it through in one piece, we often need to simply embrace the inherent chaos and absurdity involved in raising kids. Here are 11 quotes that reflect the realistic side of parenting with a healthy dose of humor.

Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.
Amber Dusick, author and artist

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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

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If you’re wondering, “How much stuff do I need to bring if I’m out with a baby for 40 minutes?” the answer is “only slightly less than someone traveling the Oregon Trail.”
Raquel D’Apice, author and comedian

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Sometimes going to bed feels like the highlight of my day. Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.
Jim Gaffigan

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Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?
Alyson Hannigan, actress

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The shortest unit of time measurable to science is the interval between a kid seeing a pop-up book and the kid breaking the pop-up book.
Ken Jennings, game show host

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Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
David Frost, British TV host and comedian

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When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
Nora Ephron

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Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future.
Amy Poehler

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With the kids off at camp, my wife and I finally have some precious time to check Facebook in separate rooms.
Conan O’Brien

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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
Erma Bombeck, writer and humorist

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Photo credit: Tom Wang/ Shutterstock

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About the Author
Nicole Villeneuve
Nicole is a writer, thrift store lover, and group-chat meme spammer based in Ontario, Canada.
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